“What is that woman doing pregnant when she already has 4 kids?” “5 kids, is she insane?” “A surrogate? She’s selling her baby?”
These were the thoughts and fears I had running through my mind. Justifying a pregnancy or explaining that it wasn’t my baby, both of those options seemed so emotionally draining. Let me start from the beginning, I’ll try to make it short.
As a little girl, I would collect my baby dolls and play house. When I became a teenager, my mom had two boys when she remarried and I was in heaven. I took care of them as they were my own, and I enjoyed every minute I had with them. Once I was an “adult” I knew I would become a mom, that’s what my heart desired early on.
I met my husband Ray when I was 19, we were friends for a few years. Not super close, but we hung out with the same people. At the age of 21 we started to date, things moved quickly. After a month of dating we formally became boyfriend and girlfriend, a month later we moved in together, a month later we were engaged, a month later we found out we were expecting our first child and 3 months later we walked down the aisle. Yes, I know! Crazy! But our hearts were set on spending the rest of our lives together. As rushed as it all seemed at the same time it felt so right. In June of 2006, we gave birth to our first baby boy, Roman Gabriel. Just a year later in June of 2007, Olivia Roxanne was born and our lives were never the same.
Here we were, two very young adults living on our own with two very small babies. Our friends were out finishing college, partying it up and this was a real struggle for us. We were learning to balance parenthood and our social lives. It was the beginning for us, and as hard as it was we were getting through it together and were so happy.
You would think that with two kids I would be good, after all I had my perfect pair. But the aches and pains of my empty womb started, they would come and go but for the most part I wanted another baby. Ray said, “Absolutely not!” which broke my heart. But never underestimate the power of persuasion, after almost a year he was on board. In February of 2012 we welcomed our leap year baby, Julia Rae. Our hearts were full, and were so content. Boy, were we wrong! God had other plans for us, and as careful as we were we had a surprise in store. Through a visit to the ER we found out we were pregnant with baby #4…
Normally, my heart would have jumped for joy… and secretly it did, deep inside. But I couldn’t help but be sad as I looked into my Ray’s eyes and saw fear and worry just overcome him. How could I be happy when my husband was so distressed? After prayer and reaffirmations that God was on our side and would guide us through, we were finally able to celebrate our pregnancy and I was on cloud 9. We welcomed Abel Cruz on New Year’s Eve of 2013. We purchased our first home just before, and were again beginning our lives as a party of 6.
Leave it to me to throw a monkey wrench in the mix. I laid on the couch to watch a movie with Ray, “What if I became a surrogate?” I asked.